yuyutong on Xanga

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Wednesday, 28 October 2009

不知為何，我經常會回想起在家鄉發生的點點滴滴。特別是別人的淚水，給與我的感悟甚多。

記得小時候，家鄉的屋子有三層樓高，我最喜歡做的事就是爬到屋頂，啃著冰塊、看著家鄉旖旎
的晚霞。

屋子對面那條街住著一位父親和他20歲的兒子。那天傍晚，我爬到屋頂，發現那位父親蹲在家
門，滿身疲憊的風塵，好像是剛從哪裡回來。他呆呆地蹲在門前，後來，用顫抖手捂住臉，哭泣
起來。晚霞斜照著他單薄的身影和他聳動的雙肩，反照出他的悲痛跟無助。

不知道發生了什麽事情，我匆匆地跑下樓去問我外婆。外婆說：“前天晚上，他的兒子跟人合夥
搶劫，還傷了人，被派出所抓個正著，現在關起來了。”

記得有一次，要從家鄉返回廣州。在等候的車站裡，一位母親拉著執意要遠走的女兒。女兒打扮
得時髦亮麗，金光閃閃。母親頭髮蓬鬆，衣著簡陋甚至有些寒酸。她拉著女兒的手，淚流滿面。

聽不清她們在說什麼，不過能看得出母親對女兒依依不捨，而女兒好像十分執著，試圖甩開母親
牽拉著的手。車到站了，女兒拿起行李就跳上了車，頭也不回。

而母親，無力氣的坐在人來人往的車站，遙望著早已遠去的車子，不停地抹淚。旁人紛紛側目，
卻又有誰會知道，她淌出的每一串淚珠，都是無比的疼痛與沉重。

記得小時候看過一個情感節目。一位妻子為尋找失蹤的丈夫，鼓起勇氣去到節目現場，說出了她
的故事。

丈夫偷光了家裡的錢，還挪用了公款，跟情婦做生意，結果生意失敗，情婦被捉到。丈夫在害怕
之下，選擇了逃離，一去不返。妻子卻沒有放棄，日日夜夜的期盼等待。

她在無數的觀眾面前黯然淚下，對著鏡頭呼喚著丈夫：“你回來吧，哪怕是坐牢，我們一起坐。
債我們一起還。日子還很漫長，你怎麼忍心丟下我一個···”

在這世上，被你傷得最深的那個人，往往是最愛你的那個。

Wednesday, 30 September 2009

Kk~~ got my adaptor back. So photo blog take 2~

I'll start with the earliest.

Right....

Chemistry @ Auckland Town Hall (29th Aug... I think). Was a pretty fun night except the fact that for more than 1/3 of my time I was trying to hunt for my friends and waiting for them at the toilet (yes... the only place that had lesser party peoplez).

It was so compacted that I had to squeeze all the way through even the biggest alley way, and unfortunately, me n ET'z wings that cost me 20 bucks was being squashed and was pulling us backwards with the crowded flow when all we wanted to do was just to get to the freaking TOILET!!!

We had no other option but to give it away T.T Then somehow I picked up another little fairy wing by the bar coz my back felt so empty.... Notice the difference?? :)

Some night after going to Echo... 4am in the morning... Still energized... and of course... hungry~

Then there's last Friday DV8 @ Studio & 324... Sorry not much pictures that night... Was tinnie winnie lil bit boring and way too hot. Man those organizers needa think about ventilation... I could smell funny odors all night long (and believe me.. It wasn't me.)

Despite the fact that I got both bitten (yes literally) and "harm ju hand"ed on my ass 3 times, I tried to dance my legs out..... but couldn't. Guys need to know where to put their hands... Not my first time being "humiliated", but this time was the worst.

K enuf said.... tell me why ET and Shelly looked so evil... had no other words in my dictionary.

Last Sat @ Stonerz Pink Ladies Night.. without any ladies wearing pink....
But I do love the helium ball ballz~

Meh/./

Today I went to get my extensions done again... That girl pulled my hair too hard while braiding in the extensions and broke quite a lot of my own hair. She doesn't understand T.T... my hairs so weak already from the 4 times bleaching.

Anyways. I'll leave it there. Chinese next time shellz~
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Long time no see xanga. I've been incredibly lazy for these couple of months, or shall I say one really significant part of my life occupied most of my times.
Today I woke up and was gonna do some revision as my exams are coming soon but realized that I've neglected my good old xanga for quite a while now so I’ve decided to dig some photos up and update my xanga.

Firstly it's Chemistry like.... in August??? ==''

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................ Oh wait a sec, I couldn't upload any photos actually, my adaptor is somewhere else... ==''
I'll attempt my photo bloggin in another time, mean while... Please don't mind my Chinese diction, I had a way of writing Chinese in my own style since primary. Sometimes it's hard to get, maybe because I'm always confusing my own self as well when I write Chinese....??...

點煙的時候，點的是寂寞。唱歌的時候，唱的是寂寞。寫字的時候，寫的是寂寞。傷心的時候，淚流滿面著寂寞。上MSN的時候，其實也是因為寂寞。

而愛情總是會跟寂寞搭上線。

沒有愛情的人寂寞，夜深人靜，孤獨一人，自言自語，自己給自己安慰。

擁有愛情的人，更寂寞，而且是那麼的殘忍，那麼的心痛。什麽都沒有的時候不會流淚，擁有了愛情，總是會忍不住淚流成河。我們渴望的，原來是更大的寂寞而已。

但是我心甘情願。

記得兩年前回北京，被表哥請去巨蛋國家大劇院看“卡門”。當時對於“卡門”的瞭解只是略知一二。只限於“鬥牛曲”裡的某些經典唱段，知道卡門是個Gypsy女郎，有堂皇的舞臺裝飾跟華麗的戲服。當時興奮不已的我是因為能夠親臨巨蛋現場，而並不是因為“卡門”。

當時看演出的人絡繹不絕，外國人佔四分之一。過安檢時，前面有一對老夫婦，說著法文。兩人手拉手，走得很慢。他們應該超過6、70歲了。

兩位老人家互相扶持，走入電梯。我跟其在後。見老太太幫老先生梳理頭髮時，老先生露出了幸福的笑容，我一下子就感動了。

卡門是一個誓死忠貞自由和愛情的固執靈魂。所以我想，無論古今，無論身份地位，在愛情面前，每個人都是心甘情願。

有的爲了一個家庭，有的爲了幸福。我是爲了。。。在暮年的時候，也會有人牽著我的手，在世界的某個地方一起重溫我們的愛情。就算無比寂寞。。。

我願意維持。

Wednesday, 12 August 2009

Dear Death,
We've met before. You looked at me, as if you were trying to tell me something, I think maybe you really were. I couldn't hear you. But somehow I assumed I understood what you were saying.
It was for a very short moment that I felt you were my friend. There were so many questions in my head that life couldn't answer, so many blind spots that life couldn't light up. The past was always with me, and life just had to bring the past up to mess with my present. And then there you were...
The sense of your existence gave away my worries. You were true, tender, peaceful and somehow kind. There was nothing to fear if I have followed you. You are a punishment to some, but to me, you were a gift, a favor or so.
But you brought me back to life, and left me. You didn't accept my accusations. So I cried... the more tears I shed the more that I hated you. You were suppose to be my solution my friend, the cease of life. But you left me with self-blaming and a life with no plans.
Time had past, and you were there once again. You were still peaceful and true.
I waved at you from a distance and could not thank you enough, for bringing me back to life. I've found lives true-self, it wasn't blinded, it was just me that blinded myself. The past was just here to greet me and see the new me that have moved on.
There are still many questions that I may never find the answers to, but I'll try to live with questions in my head all the time. Maybe that's what makes life pleasant.
Now I realize, I'm not ready to go with you yet, when there are still so many words left unsaid and deeds left undone. But you will always be my friend. When it's time for me to dance with you I will take your hand.
But my tango with life is not finished yet, perhaps, still a long way to go.
Love,
Mich

K... I admit bleaching my hair was a crazy foolish experiment. But I've dyed it back now. Photos up when I write my next entry.
Anyways...
Someone just turned 18 and someone else just turned 46 on the same day.
To both of my love - Father and ET.
Ciaoz~

Wednesday, 22 July 2009

It has taken me long enough... this feeling that I tried not to accommodate, to prevent myself from wounding.

I contradict myself all the time.

I long to be with him but refuse to admit it. Sometimes, I'm afraid to show even the slightest sign of affection because I fear.
Fear that I'm doing too much, fear that it's all not worth it, fear that he might not recognize them, and most of all, fear that it
may not be returned...

So here comes the part which puzzles me - the fact that I know I fear, the fact that I constantly tried to wrestle, but I'm
still falling for it, cannot cease and keep on yearning, even it's killing me slowly within.

Yea... Human Beings are funny...

Will you always be mine, even if I go......
Are you willing to do anything necessary to save me?

I don't think you can do it.

At least not yet.

But I wanna be the one, to make this intimacy last.
I wanna be able to sacrifice it all, just to satisfy you.

But it's still a long way from achieving this.

Coz if I do leave , then I know...

I don't love you enough to give it all yet.
My love is no longer an impulse from my feelings anymore.

But you should know, I love you long enough to admit that I love you now.

Byezz~~
ケロロ becomes my daily dose of stupidity and amusement.